So after a week and a bit of some pretty bad anxiety, I finally got myself out of the rut and managed to get some work done. Part of this "work" was finishing my Biopsychology essay, but the other, less traditional, part involved making some life changes. These life changes started with what I eat, and how often I eat it. But I'm not going to talk about my diet. I want to talk about hope and how sometimes life can throw you curve balls at inappropriate times.

A few months ago I let a friend stay with me for a little while. He had no money, no job, and his dad had just kicked him out on the street. So, I let him stay with me for a bit. We agreed to a price and few conditions up front, which he agreed to. One of the conditions involved his getting a job. I told him not to worry about paying me right away, that he could get his feet on the ground first. I also let him eat my food. Another expectation was that he kept cleaned up after himself - nothing unreasonable.

After a bit of time watching him procrastinate his job search, and getting after him a few times to clean up, I realized it wasn't going to work and so I gave him 10 days notice for him to find somewhere else to stay. I also told him to not worry about paying me right away the money he owed me for the time he had already stayed with me, as I would wait until he was financially stable. At that point he started telling me how he felt like I never accepted him or treated him like a friend. You can imagine why this wouldn't sit very well with me, and I calmly told him to pack up his stuff and get out. After everything that I had done for him, I felt like he had just slapped me in the face. After some minor arguing, I knew I wouldn't see the money he owed me, and that our friendship had just gone out the window. With that, I figured he would move on with his life and I with mine.

A little while later I learned that he was staying at a street shelter, feeling pretty bitter about the situation. I soon got a text message from him apologizing and what not. It was a pleasant surprise. That was the last I heard from him until today. Today pretty much stunned me.

Friend:
by the way, i just needed to remind you of your absolute pussy nature, you have no balls. you will never get a girlfriend cuz you are too afraid to aproach one. you shook in your fucking boots when i talked to girls. youre a coward. so i just wanted to say my goodbyes right to a man like you, fuck you and have a good life of well calculated ballless risks, and enjoy a life of loneliness with your obsessive compulsive idiotic fat lazy boring self.

Friend:
i still will keep u unblocked for a bit so i can see ur pathetic retort

Me:
Well, _____. I can honestly say I never expected this from you. I guess I thought you were better than this. I really hope you find some kind of inner peace in your life.

Friend:
I hope you eat a dick like I know you want to. You are really gay I know it

At that point I reported him for harassment because I was not willing to play that kind of game. Normally I would laugh this kind of thing off, but I can't think of a worse time for him to send such a message. Going through the amount of anxiety and stress that I am right now, and with finally seeing a ray of hope, this message was quite the side blow, an unexpected haymaker.

On the one hand this only confirms to me the end of this friendship. On the other hand, I can't help but pity the guy. I don't feel pity for too many people - I prefer empathy - but in this case pity is exactly how I feel. I would like to see him become a better person, but I doubt he will.

So, I think this will probably end up being not much more than an unexpected push that makes me take a couple of sidesteps to regain my balance before I move forward. I really hope that's all this is. I feel like I've taken the high road in every situation of this circumstance, and I don't know if I can keep it up. I really hope I don't see him in public, and if I do, that he won't come up to me and talk. I fear if he doesn't let up I might lose it on him. I might have to prepare myself for walking away if I see him.